This is how enthusiasm dies, how I kill hobbies before they start, why I never hire teachers or ask for help. I get-by making false promises to myself, the illusion of intent.
I don't want to live inside a feeling of pressure, of being driven by events, so today I am harnessing peace and optimism. I am shifting from "have-to" to "want-to."
I am afraid to learn new things, I am afraid to fail at anything, and I am absolutely terrified that you will laugh at my effort, my pretension to something different.
We are at the end of a chaotic week, me and the world, and we will not know for some time whether these upheavals are cathartic, and therefore creative, or simply another form of seething, inarticulate rage.
I am insane to think that I can stop the flow of events, but I am equally insane to believe that effort is meaningless.
What I remember most is a desperate desire to be different. I wanted everyone and everything around me to change, first, but I also wanted to be different than I was.
This piece was written several years ago, during one of my many blogging fits. Pay no attention to the day, timespan, etc., and it might still make a little sense. “Take my hand, baby we’re over land.I know flying over...
