I grew up anxious, afraid that I didn’t fit in, didn’t know how to act, and I was terrified to fail in any way. It literally hurt to make mistakes, and I could not control my behavior whenever I was laughed at by others or...
Category - Daily Reflections
Alcoholism isn't the only progressive disease I manage, or that manages me.
"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know."
Today, I am at peace with conversation, respectful argument, and a radical honesty of expression. Today, I am going to give my knowledge, so that I can receive your knowledge.
This is how enthusiasm dies, how I kill hobbies before they start, why I never hire teachers or ask for help. I get-by making false promises to myself, the illusion of intent.
I am afraid to learn new things, I am afraid to fail at anything, and I am absolutely terrified that you will laugh at my effort, my pretension to something different.
We are at the end of a chaotic week, me and the world, and we will not know for some time whether these upheavals are cathartic, and therefore creative, or simply another form of seething, inarticulate rage.
I am insane to think that I can stop the flow of events, but I am equally insane to believe that effort is meaningless.
What I remember most is a desperate desire to be different. I wanted everyone and everything around me to change, first, but I also wanted to be different than I was.
